My hairdresser, trying to make conversation, asked me something that struck me. We're talking in Spanish, so it may not translate well, but the message is the same. He asked, “estas sola” (are you alone)? Alone? I thought... I knew what he was trying to say, but I asked him to tell me what he meant. “Well, are you with anyone?” he said. Oh, you mean single, I said.
Isn’t it funny how people use these two words interchangeably? Being single and alone is not the same thing. Alone implies that you are missing a partner. Don't get me wrong, I’m not against couple-hood. But what's wrong with enjoying single-hood?
It’s a concept some can't comprehend. How can she enjoy being “alone”? Being single is not a misfortune or a tragedy. A tragedy is to be part of a relationship that does not allow me to grow as an individual. It is not in me to stay in a marriage only to maintain appearances. In this day an age the best reason to get married is to receive income credits and health benefits. For those of you who are asking, what about love? Read the article at the link at the end of this blog.
Both sides have their pros and cons. There are happy marriages out there - I’m sure there are. There are also happy, single people like myself and we don't feel the need to explain why we are happy and for that matter....why we are single.
Last Sunday at church an old friend whom I have not seen for several years asked me, “You look great, why haven’t you remarried?” I tried to decipher the expression that accompanied the question. I can only imagine what is behind that look - trying to figure out what it's wrong with me. Nothing really!
I find men desirable. Maybe it is just a numbers game. Not enough men my age are eager to date someone their own age. I may be too busy or simply not interested in the drama at the moment. Maybe it's because I don't have a biological clock ticking or I need to be married by certain age - been there, done that. It’s the state I’m in at the moment where I don’t obsess about meeting “the one.” And Soul mates are a mind trick – a topic for another blog.
So if there is any one out there who looks at singles with pity, don’t! If you are single and you pity yourself, don't! And if you are in a relationship that is just not working out and you believe the grass is greener on the other side, IT IS!!!
The statistics speaks volumes about the institution. So in reality, I'm not the exception, but the rule for a new era. Single vs. alone, is like saying Love and Marriage go together. If you see it that way, I invite you to read an interesting article about love and marriage – Don’t be turned off by the source. This article will amuse you and will probably generate as many topics for discussion as mine has, http://dwardmac.pitzer.edu/Anarchist_Archives/goldman/aando/marriageandlove.html.
About Me
- Diary of a Boricua
- Boston, MA, United States
- I'm an inquisitive Puerto Rican that enjoys the benefits of two cultures. I appreciate life's little pleasures and I'm happy with just the necessities to live. Those that know me well, know that I'm full of contradictions... Persistence is one of my best qualities.
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4 comments:
The question I have is more towards the people that asked that. Are they single? do they feel alone and are looking for someone to share that with. I have to say that I think being alone is a state of mind - maybe even a selfish state. Are you so involved in your own aloneness to realize that you are not alone. Is that a rhetorical question or just plain crazy.
I am married, sometimes I am so consumed with my own self that I feel alone. Does that count? I often go to places alone but by this some interpretations I am not alone - ok then, where is my husband? or my kids? I don't see them.
I think the question of being alone equates to being single and the words used interchangeably are transparently based on the person asking.
First of all... What's up with a male Hairdresser... ;-) unless he is a very creative cat I would thought you will have a Comadre a Mami or a Reina for hairdresser, you know a Latina or other gal connected en el chisme (lol)
Second, the blessed "Institutions" can kiss my... lovely face!. That's is one big problem in society, the need for an Institution to get their approval so we feel good. Institutions are for lambs not for thinkers and doers.
Now, about the typical question by the average Joe... Are you single? Is the same I get all the time; Do you have children? (followed by) Oh no? Well you are still young, god my still bring you some!. Why does people assume I want/need children. (BTW, thanks for suggesting that I'm still young) [I said that to my self every morning as I drag my bones out of bed]. I am not sorry to say that I LOVE been childless (and for that matter I'm still a child) Having kids and not being single have the same implications "Lots of "responsibility". It means that your life is not yours anymore, you are now in charge of a life or in a partnership. I grew up seen SO MANY unhappy married couples, stock to each other because of the blessed marriage Institution. Just like I have seen a good share of men who should not have any children, because they do not own to it. They abandoned the mother stock with the creatures. Single mothers are heroes, their nurturing quality force them to excel even when all they want is to stay out late like the guys (because "they had a late day at work" i.e. out partying).
If you are happy with yourself, doesn't matter if you are single. Companionship is key, we live in a society. It's "lonely" not to have companionship and they come in friends, lovers, love affairs, one night stands neighbors, strangers we encounter and now a day the internet (like you cholesterol, lol). As key as is enjoy life on your own. How deep is each relation? It depends on both parties.
Oh yeah! I forgot to add religion, some folks find companionship in religion and or spirituality.
For those of us "Recovering Catholics" (I love that word) and those "Fervorosos" spirituality plays a great role in companionship. Bottom line is as long as your life is full nothing else matter. There are plenty of people who are not alone, who are miserable or abandoned. Mas vale solo que mal acompañado.
If some one thought you should remarried? Well thats because you can. There is nothing wrong with you and there is plenty right. You are bright, amicable, attractive and latina! The perfect combination to have one or many companionships (depends on the person). He or she probably come from the traditional institution(lamb) where they did not thought you could make it thru life with out a husband or "a man of the house" - you know the types who still think gals should stay at home.
Yes! It's a new generation and a new world, the one where you should be who you you want to be and do as you please. Just remember if you are alone you might want to seek companionship now and then to remind you who beautiful freedom is. And if you choose to be with some one you might want to seek moments to your self to remind you who you are as well as to appreciate how you are with. It's a personal choice.
As for having or not having children? Please forgive me but, God does not give you children. You make them! Out of love, mistakes, desires, you name it! And it depends on how fertile the couple is. It's like "Cinco de Mayo" it's a MYTH! created by an institution (in this case to sell beer before Memorial day) Yes 5 de Mayo is a small holiday in Mexico that celebrates "La batalla de Puebla" and Yes some Chicanos adopted they date to celebrate "La mexicanidad en el gabacho" But is not a "Latin American Independence day" - Por favor! Let's be real.
Sure! if you are lucky the universe will provide that creature with a good soul. Sure! You can pray so the universe gives you one or many (and hopefully healthy ones) But is the couples responsabiltiy to be educated and aware of the consequences of "being together". Just as much as if you don't want/need kids (they are plenty lonely ones already) So we to promote safe practice of companionship ;-).
And that's a wrap to my rant. So be happy of who you are or seek that happiness. Enjoy your companions when present and your freedom on your own!
Y sigue la mata dando
Alone. The word itself conjures up so many feelings for so many people. Nowadays people do use the word alone to mean do you have a boy/girlfreind. It's not fair but the english language frequently does this to words. Anyway......I am single (aka no boyfreind) but I am not alone, nor do I feel lonely. First things first...me, myself and I...that's two people that are with me all the time. On top of that....I have many great freinds...and these are not just run of the mill freinds...these are freinds that will help you hide a body if needed. LOL. My family is very supportive and like we say on the street "they got my back". All I have to do is send out an email that I need something and my freinds and family are like WHAT? WHAT do you need? So on those two fronts I am covered.
Now let's move on to the romantic love department. I am not currently dating anyone. This is a true statement...as much as I have it going on....there are only a few gentlemen I would even consider dating. Why am I single? Here are the reasons: lack of quality men in my vicinity, lack of men that are actually available, lack of men that want to get to know a woman really, lack of men who want more than just sex. Now here are the other reasons I choose to be single right now. I have a very busy life socially, professionally and personally. Having a boyfreind right now just does not fit into what I can accomdate. Granted my issues are unique right now. but still....when I think about everything that comes with a relationship and I weigh it against the peace of mind I have right now......single hood always wins out. I am not one for drama in my personal life...but that is what a relationship brings. So I choose to be single right now. I am not opposed to dating.....I just have not found a guy that I am willing to invest that time in right now. If he is out there....then eventually we will find each other. but in the mean time...I am enjoying my life as is. No man, no kids, nothing that ties me down, I am as free as a bird and I like it that way. I have a very stable relationship with my Beta Fish Orlando. He loves me and I love him. No questions asked.
This state of loving single hood has a name...Quirkyalone. Quirkyalone: noun/adj. A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status.
This is me! Quirkyalone! and I am loving it. CHeck it out at www.quirkyalone.net
Keeping it real!
People think that you have to be w/ someone all the time... G, we need a brake sometimes.
Just because a person is single doesn't mean there is something wrong, it's just that sometimes it's okay or preferred to be single, but not exactly alone. Why be with someone just because...?
Interesting blog!
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