Alone? You mean Single ...

My hairdresser, trying to make conversation, asked me something that struck me. We're talking in Spanish, so it may not translate well, but the message is the same. He asked, “estas sola” (are you alone)? Alone? I thought... I knew what he was trying to say, but I asked him to tell me what he meant. “Well, are you with anyone?” he said. Oh, you mean single, I said.

Isn’t it funny how people use these two words interchangeably? Being single and alone is not the same thing. Alone implies that you are missing a partner. Don't get me wrong, I’m not against couple-hood. But what's wrong with enjoying single-hood?

It’s a concept some can't comprehend. How can she enjoy being “alone”? Being single is not a misfortune or a tragedy. A tragedy is to be part of a relationship that does not allow me to grow as an individual. It is not in me to stay in a marriage only to maintain appearances. In this day an age the best reason to get married is to receive income credits and health benefits. For those of you who are asking, what about love? Read the article at the link at the end of this blog.

Both sides have their pros and cons. There are happy marriages out there - I’m sure there are. There are also happy, single people like myself and we don't feel the need to explain why we are happy and for that matter....why we are single.

Last Sunday at church an old friend whom I have not seen for several years asked me, “You look great, why haven’t you remarried?” I tried to decipher the expression that accompanied the question. I can only imagine what is behind that look - trying to figure out what it's wrong with me. Nothing really!

I find men desirable. Maybe it is just a numbers game. Not enough men my age are eager to date someone their own age. I may be too busy or simply not interested in the drama at the moment. Maybe it's because I don't have a biological clock ticking or I need to be married by certain age - been there, done that. It’s the state I’m in at the moment where I don’t obsess about meeting “the one.” And Soul mates are a mind trick – a topic for another blog.

So if there is any one out there who looks at singles with pity, don’t! If you are single and you pity yourself, don't! And if you are in a relationship that is just not working out and you believe the grass is greener on the other side, IT IS!!!

The statistics speaks volumes about the institution. So in reality, I'm not the exception, but the rule for a new era. Single vs. alone, is like saying Love and Marriage go together. If you see it that way, I invite you to read an interesting article about love and marriage – Don’t be turned off by the source. This article will amuse you and will probably generate as many topics for discussion as mine has, http://dwardmac.pitzer.edu/Anarchist_Archives/goldman/aando/marriageandlove.html.

Back from going "home" for vacation...

Somehow going "home for vacation" sounds like an oxymoron, but when "home" is Puerto Rico you would agree it can be a vacation. When I say I went home, I don't really mean my old house – that’s rented now. It is my hometown that feels like home to me. I took a few days off and enjoyed the company of family, friends and the sights and sounds of the island.

I can tell you, La Sonora Ponceña sounds best at a "Fiesta Patronal" (http://welcome.topuertorico.org/culture/festi.shtml). If you've been to a Puerto Rican festival in the US, you’ve only experienced an attempt to recreate what Puerto Rican's have celebrated every year in every town for decades. Oddly enough, missing from the festivities were the Puerto Rican flags, predominant at US Puerto Rican Festivals (a topic for another entry, but feel free to comment if you have an opinion or observation on this).

There is something to be said about taste too. Why is it that "home" has a taste of its own and it’s rarely recreated successfully abroad? Those that have visited recently can attest that Puerto Rico is infested with fast-food restaurants. So homesick visitors like me find comfort in the small "cafetines" along "la plaza de recreo."

It was a different kind of sight seeing for me, more like a reflection of my past. On this trip, I was also able to ride by my old elementary school and visit the candy store we walked to when I was a child. The old neighborhood was modernized; big concrete homes replaced the zinc-roofed, wooden ones.

It's funny how relatives still see me as the same person I was when I left over twenty years ago. No one cares where I've traveled, what I've accomplished or who I've met during all this time in Boston. I'm still, "la hija de Ernesto y Pascuala." But my life seems light years away from where I left. I'm grateful to have lived in both worlds. One is full of traditions and the other full of opportunities.

Although nostalgic, I don’t see myself moving back to the small town I grew up in. Don't get me wrong, the question “why am I here” comes up every winter. I've settled here. Home has two meanings for me now. One home has roots in the warm breeze of a Caribbean country and the other has a window to a multi-ethnic world, full with new experiences every day.

So when I wrote about "losing interest in myself" in my previous blog, it didn’t mean that my calendar was missing activity. Maybe it is time for the person I’ve become to connect with the person I once was with sand under my feet and salt in my hair.

I like to hear from the readers of this blog about your home. Where is home and how do you know you're there?

Have I lost interest in myself?

I wanted to start my own blog for quite some time now and every time I sat in front of my computer couldn’t think of what to write about. I’ve been writing journals all my life, but I have not “found the time” to write for a while, even though great things have happened to me in the past few years. Perhaps it's because I have nothing to complain about? I think it is more than that. So as I was asking myself why I was not inspired to write, a thought came to me, have I lost interest in myself?

This doesn't say I’m not interesting ... Just that I don’t find myself interesting enough to write about? I like to think I’m too busy with work, events, developing business relationships and connecting people. Yawn! Wow, it does sound like it’s all about work and no play for me, but why? I should be enjoying the best time in my life... NOW. I’m finally alone (sort of, I have a dog and a cat), my kids are out of the house and making their own lives. I'm not tied to anything or anyone. I can come and go as I please. I don't need to compromise with anyone about my spending, schedule, etc. So why don't I have more interesting things to write about?

Maybe blogging will help me "find myself." I’ve heard many people refer to “finding themselves” and it makes sense to me now. It’s probably a mid-life thing. In my twenties, I couldn’t get enough of myself. My thirties were about everyone one else and now, it's time to return to myself.

I’d like to pose the question to you, the readers of this blog, are you still interested in yourself?